Giving into Love

Giving into love. I am giving in to love and I am happy for it. My Heart is open, I feel strength and mobility like I have not felt for a long time. Thank you Madi, my lover and dearest friend. You have asked me to feel and waited patiently for a response. A stuttering, halting, shambling response I have given you, but you wait none the less. Like a mother holding out her hand for a questing, dawdling child. You have waited through the fall, and long slow winter of my heart and now, at the start of spring you are there to help me bloom. A cold and dead stump, I now pulse with life; reaching, exploring, grasping at and bathing in the warmth of your sun. Thank you for waiting. Thank you for watching the world turn and letting us turn with it.

Six months ago I saw no beauty in humanity, only destruction. Only greed, only simplicity, and selfishness. I thought to transcend that, hoped for a godlike state of removal and an escape from it all. I longed to become a Buddha, an enlightened one. But I see now Buddha is selfish, or at least the Buddha I chased. Distance, awareness, escape…

… you have given me a reason to stay and see the beauty of this place. With your first gift, your first love, you have shown me how to see again. Now I see connection, purpose, an organic net of meaning layered over humanity. It is a confusing, complex, intricate and horrifying web, but its desire to connect and to grow remain constant. Our field of meaning; intelligence, love, feeling, curiosity… grows as we grow. It expands to include all that we touch and all that we care for. This is giving into love. To see and feel and to know we belong to each other. In this place, at this time.

I gave into love and it has given me to you.


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